I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
