Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
