whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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