if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
