I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
