My brain says no but my pants say off.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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