She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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