from now on my penis is your penis
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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