Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
