i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
