she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
