You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
