As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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