Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
