farters have to be the big spoon...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
