I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
