And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
