You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
