I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
