also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
