Nicole vs. Life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
