I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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