It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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