You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
