Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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