she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
