I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize