She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
