Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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