I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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