I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
