There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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