yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
