ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize