he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
