well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
