I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
