apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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