I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
