I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's get the cat blown out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
