Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize