It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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