I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
