At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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