no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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