idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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