He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
