You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
