Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
