I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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