that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
