I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
