Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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