Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize