My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
