do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
