Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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