So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
