I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
