I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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