some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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