If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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