My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
