Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
