I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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