Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
