Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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