what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
