I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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