Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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