I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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