Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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